I’m a Taiwanese American Marriage and Family Therapist practicing in Maryland, Virginia, and the District of Columbia (DC). As a child of immigrants, I’m no stranger to carrying lineages and responsibilities that feel not quite mine. Straddling two cultures within one reality, I know what it feels like to be unsure of where I stand.

From this vantage point of trying to embrace my difference, I make a point to embrace everyone else’s diversity. I know that under the pain, there’s a unique story. And buried deeper under that, is an authentic you that is fierce and strong.

A big part of the work I do is unpacking and demystifying  “Asian cultural ideas” that we have taken to be immutable law, that are truthfully negative and hurtful narratives. I’ve heard countless times in sessions where Asian American clients express desires to pursue their dream career (which is often times is not being a doctor, lawyer, or engineer), desires to be appreciated and treated well by friends and family, desires to rest and play… only to cut their dream speech short by saying “but it is the way it is, you know?” Often times, they are referring to cultural ideas they have learned that to be Asian, you must serve others, and above all your family. That to be Asian, means thinking for yourself is selfish, and martyring yourself for others is an honor.

The truth is so many of these Asian cultural ideas we hear are not heart-centered and not nourishing. There is something deeply wrong with that. And thus, we must challenge and question where this information is coming from. We must understand why our ancestors and lineage have come to transmit scarcity-minded, in-group thinking, hierarchical, and punitive messages to us.

Asian Americans’ core issue is that we are conflicted in our identity. Our different Asian and American aspects are not in harmony, and for various reasons. Asian Americans do not always feel accepted as Americans because our skin is not white. On the other hand, Asian Americans experience rejection from Asian immigrant family due to not being “Asian” enough. These experiences of not being “pure” enough lead to self-loathing and a lack of reconciliation of these different identity aspects. When we are already blocked in loving ourselves due to our heritage and birth circumstances, we are blocked from going deeper to truly exploring and understanding ourselves. This healing work is really hard. But when you heal yourself, the saying goes that “you heal seven generations up and seven generations down”.